


Fodlan Farms

by cathrheas



Series: Commissions [35]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Cows, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:01:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29192730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cathrheas/pseuds/cathrheas
Summary: Ashe and Mercedes start their new life as cows.
Relationships: Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Mercedes von Martritz
Series: Commissions [35]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753813
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Fodlan Farms

**Author's Note:**

> A ko-fi commission for an anonymous commissioner because I wouldn't my name to be attached to this either if I were you...
> 
> It feels wrong to plug my Twitter on this, somehow, but...[yeah here it is...thanks...](https://twitter.com/cathrheas)

“Ashe...I don’t think we’re in the Sealed Forest anymore.”

Ashe had woken up on a bed of hay, mere seconds before he heard a familiar voice saying his name. The voice’s nervous but warm intonation made him want to respond, but his body was telling him not to. He felt sleepy, very sleepy, and the hay was quite comfortable against his udders...

But...why was he laying on hay? And more importantly, why did he have _udders_?

“Huh? Did I fall asleep in the stables...?” Ashe prepared to stand up, but found that his legs were hardly strong enough to do so. He felt strangely off-balance, like he was just learning to walk again. When he finally gathered himself and got to his feet, he found himself face-to-face with a cow.

A cow that sounded very much like Mercedes.

“Ashe, don’t you remember?” The cow’s lips weren’t moving, but she was making eye contact with him—speaking directly to him. But, wait, why were his eyes down so low if he was standing up? “We both got injured badly in the last battle...I think the Goddess chose to reincarnate us as cows!”

Oh, he was definitely dreaming. He _definitely_ was not a cow. Besides, why would the Goddess reincarnate him as a cow? He would definitely be a fox, or a catboy. “This doesn’t make any sense,” he groaned, and was startled to hear a _moo_ as he spoke. He saw a trough of water, and walked over to it with his shaky legs...

And in his reflection, he saw a cow’s face.

“You see, Ashe? You’re not dreaming.”

“How did you know that I thought I was dreaming...?”

“Cows have cow telepathy,” Mercedes said. Ah. That made sense. “I’ve only been awake for ten minutes in cow time, but it’s actually really nice. All you have to do is eat grass, drink water, and relax. You can even talk to the other animals!”

Ashe looked around the stables. There was a rather mean-looking blue horse in the corner, leering at all of the other animals with what could only be seen as irritation. He looked...familiar, though. _Felix didn’t survive our last battle either, huh..._

“I...I guess this isn’t so bad,” Ashe mumbled. He looked down at the grass in front of him with disdain. Well, he’d eaten worse, during his time as a thief. He leaned down and tore some out of the ground and into his mouth, chewing languidly. “Wait, this is actually pretty good!”

“Of course! Don’t worry, Ashe. This’ll be great. Just me, and you...” Ashe would have blushed, if he was capable. “...and the milkers!”

“...I-I’m sorry, the what?”

“Oh, right! We both have udders, so we get milked every now and then.”

“...What?”

Just then, a pair of footsteps came through the hay on the stable floor. Ashe looked up, and saw Caspar rushing in with a bucket, with Linhardt trailing behind him. “Heck yeah! Stable duty time!”

“I promise you it’s not as fun as you’re making it sound.”

“Sure it is! I’m gonna milk the hell out of these cows,” Caspar shouted. He threw open the gate to Mercedes and Ashe’s enclosure, and Ashe backed up a bit, nearly stumbling over his legs. Caspar sat down on a stool right next to him, setting his bucket down with a grin. _Why me?!_ “Lin, you take the other one. We’ll have a milking competition!”

“Caspar, this is a living animal. Could you at least _try_ to treat it with respect?” _Thank you, Linhardt!_

“Aw, c’mon, Linhardt. I doubt it feels anything.” _Great..._

Linhardt took a seat next to Mercedes, and she walked right over to him as he set up his bucket. Mercedes turned to Ashe, and he had a feeling that she’d be smiling calmly if she had lips. “It’ll be alright, Ashe! Just pretend you’re getting a...well, never mind.”

Ashe couldn’t tell what would be worse. Getting milked, or watching Mercedes get milked.

“Alright, Lin, y’ready? Three...two...one... _go_!"

_Dear Goddess...please let me be a cat next time._

**Author's Note:**

> ...Moocedes von Milktritz.


End file.
